Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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