9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize