There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
