I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The power of my boobs compel you
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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