Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
