I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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