Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
