And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
