Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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