She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
do herpes really smell.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
