You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize