I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
