I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
