We got so high we made milksteak
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
