i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
