is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
