dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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