i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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