My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
