I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
