You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
