I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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