last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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