So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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