Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
