She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
