So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
