3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
