I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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