Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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