quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
COCAINE IS GR8
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
