I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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