I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
