just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
