hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dignity is for republicans.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
