seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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