If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
