I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Randomize
