do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize