You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm bleeding and have questions
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
