Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
