I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
