I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
