Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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