Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
