Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she woke up with a sticky ear
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
