Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
