he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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