Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
