omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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