I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
