Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
you made out with another girl for some wings
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
