My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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