Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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