please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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