i just sent this text using only my big toe
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
