So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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