It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
