guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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