the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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