So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
