Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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