apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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