is your mom at the bar?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
