would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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