he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
