Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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